Saturday, January 7, 2012

What about me?...My road to the fifth decade.

This post is not meant to be a pity party.  It is not meant to be a complaint session or a lament for the loss of my free time or a desire to have fewer kids and enough time.  

I have 4 great kids.  And it is a big job.  I mean, $5 loaves of gluten free bread, medical expenses, dispensing medicine, and oh yeah, they like to eat.  I run the dishwasher at least once a day, but most days twice.  I keep my laundry machines in full hum at least two full days a week.  I prepare and clean up three meals and countless snacks each day.  I sweep the floor under my dining room table a lot. (but not as often as I should!)  My quest to get my kids exposed to stuff results in me driving all over: music therapy and piano, basketball, library and therapy appointments.  Some mornings it is 10am before I realize that I brushed 4 sets of teeth and none of them were mine. 

One morning this week, I looked in the mirror and realized I didn't really recognize the person staring back at me.  This isn't some TV movie kind of moment, but I haven't done something "just for me" for a long time.  I don't have coffee with friends, I don't get my hair done, I don't take long vacations away from my kids, and I can count on one hand how many times my husband and I ate dinner alone all of last year. 

I think I might like to have some time to do just stuff I like this year.  I have a bit of guilt as I write this, but I do want to be okay with the idea of being somewhere other than with my kids. 

Things are changing for my family in a really big way.  There is a certain amount of excitement and fear that comes with these changes.  Also guilt...maternal guilt.  In the coming months I will work through these feelings of self doubt and guilt and hopefully get ready to enjoy the fifth decade.

1 comment:

  1. I wanted to say hi and to invite you to link up one of your posts on a networking meme. I've received a few requests to open up “Pay It Forward” to posts from a bloggers own blog and I thought I'd give it a try. Although the original idea was to share what you've seen elsewhere on the internet, I recognize that each time we post something on our own blogs we are also sharing Good News, great tips, wonderful prayers, fabulous photos, scrumptious recipes, hilarious humor, unbelievable books, stories of goodwill, or good things that have knocked our socks off. I hope you’ll post something from your blog.

    I'll leave the March linky open until March 14th. I can't wait to see what gets posted!